Where to begin. I started today, the first day of September, by realizing that I have only 19 days left until I begin the rat race of trying to obtain a degree. The degree, I have discovered at the end of my third year, that will get me nowhere I want to go. So, I guess you could say that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Went to work, where I got my first evaluation ever. There were 5-6 categories, and I only got "excellent" on one. I thought I was valued a little more than that. So not only am I working hard at a degree that doesn't get me anywhere, but I'm working my butt of at work to not be fully appreciated.
Went to the barn after paying out the nose when I dropped off rent and board. Not a particularly good feeling. Went to get Bijou and began my grooming. She was a little antsy which is just annoying since I know she knows better by now. I picked her four feet, and realized on the last one that she had thrown a shoe. Oh boy... I had decided that after my last scare of not knowing what was wrong with her feet to make her sore enough to need shoes, that the next time I needed to swap out shoes I would get some radiographs just to rule out anything that radiographs would show. I had also planned on saving up for the ensuing vet bill over the next 6-8 weeks, hopefully giving me enough to feel comfortable spending that. Well, since she lost the one shoe today, I put in the call to the vet to see if they could come out sooner rather than later. The only problem is that I'm not quite comfortable with paying for it yet. I did get one piece of good news, the farrier used a different shoe that's softer and he's also been having problems with them coming off. He's decided to re-do the shoes for free with his standard shoes because he feels like it's his fault. I don't know for sure either way, but it's really nice of him.
After all this, I feel like giving up. If Bijou has something wrong with her that won't let her jump... I dunno if I will keep her. I hate that, but it's not fair to either of us. Of course I would disclose everything to any potential owner, but I really like her! I don't want to sell her, I don't want to buy another horse. If she doesn't work out... I just don't know how I will keep doing this whole owning horses thing. I know I can't keep two horses, I just don't have time for two personal horses. I learned that when I was (am) trying to do my other mare along with Bijou. I just hate this. I don't care if everything doesn't work out perfectly, that's fine, but when it all comes crashing down around you over and over again? I guess I shouldn't say that yet, but I'm preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.
I know I'm probably being way over-dramatic... but I just don't deal with not knowing very well. Everything should turn out just fine, and I'm just going to try to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
In other news, I pulled the wild beasts mane today. It went from probably 8-12 in long to only about 4-6. She was a pretty big snot about it, but I think it's because I only walked her around rather than work her before hand. I'll try to get some pics of that just because I like them.
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I sold my previous horse because his weak stifles prevented him from doing much more than first level dressage work. It was a very tough decision, and of course we'd love to keep them all. But he was still sound and able to do simple walk, trot, canter stuff and be a general trail and riding horse. He got a great home (I was very picky and made sure he would be spoiled), so that helped. I know it sounds like I only have a horse for my own personal gain - but come on, I have a horse to make me happy. Sounds self, but it's true. I was not happy with our lack of progress. It made riding not so much fun. It was time for a new partnership. I can't afford two horses. That's reality, so I sold the Morgan and got an unhandled 2 year old. (lol). It is like night and day! I look forward to riding again. I'm not saying this will happen to you, or if it's the path you should take, but don't let yourself feel guilty you know. Do right by the mare if it comes to that (make sure she finds a good home, etc etc). Don't go broke in the process. :-)
ReplyDeleteUm, I hope that made sense. lol
ReplyDeleteya it did. I guess what's most frustrating is that I already did that. I had a gelding with weak knees that couldn't stand up to jumping. I thought I had learned from that and bought a mare with really nice (I think) conformation trying to battle that. I guess this is my time to learn to get a real thorough vet check next time... when the horse is only $1000 to begin with it doesn't make sense to spend half of what they're worth making sure they're worth that (if that makes sense lol!)
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